Author Archives: Alana Melos

Review ~ Shadowy Tentacle Passion by Reed James

Title: Shadowy Tentacle Passion 
Series: Magical Girl Chronicles #1
Author: Reed James
Genre: Erotica, Fantasy, Monster Erotica
Pages: 123
Heat Level: 4 out of 4 flames
Overall Star Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by: Naughty Book Snitch Alana
See Alana’s Goodreads Review here.

A young, innocent college student discovers her destiny as Magical Girl Persephone!

A Naughty monster stalks the night, and Cora, an innocent college student, is the only one that can stop it. When she buys a magical vibrator, she is chosen to be Magical Girl Persephone and sent to find the tentacle monster.

But will Cora be able to fight off her innocent desires for the monster’s writhing tentacles and the handsome, dark stranger that controls it? Cora will rise to the occasion and enjoy herself as she is taken hard by the shadowy monster and its exciting tentacles!

What’s a Magical Girl to do when her lusts boil over?

This hot, erotic novella contains kinky fun, including: tentacles, monsters, first time, lesbian, domination, submission, magic, and supernatural passion! This hot tale is not for the faint at heart!

A Magical Girl Chronicle erotica!

 

Review

Boy, you got that right. It’s NOT for the faint of heart.

When I heard about this book, I knew I had to read it. I’m a big anime fan, and even though “magical girl” anime is not my favorite I know about it, of course. Everyone does who has ever heard of Sailor Moon! The plot is pretty similar, though definitely warped for erotica. Cora, a young college student, is dating a nice “nerd” by the name of Aidan, and while she wants to go all the way, both of them are awkward and naive. Ashley, Cora’s room mate, tells her she needs to blow off some steam and do something naughty, so she takes her to a sex shop to buy a vibrator. Cora is terribly embarrassed, but drawn to a particular vibrator and ends up purchasing it. On the way home, she sees a woman being stalked by a tentacle monster and runs away, disbelieving what she saw.

When she does use the vibrator for the first time, it awakens the demi-goddess Iris inside who then tells Cora she’s Magical Girl Persephone and it’s up to her to fight against evil Queen Hera and her naughty monsters and the men who control them.

That’s the summation of the plot… but it doesn’t do it justice. The entire time I was reading this, all I kept seeing was this:

And this:

Seriously. And you know what? It was AWESOME. Reed nailed all the beats for a magical girl anime, and I was giggling through a lot of it. It was funny! This was me reading throughout the entire book:

He even put in the moves, adjusted for erotica, like “Kinky Vine Bondage!” and “Sexy Razor Leaves!”. On top of that, upon seeing Hades for the first time with his mask and leather pants with the BULGING crotch I cannot tell you how much I giggled, and had to put my kindle aside for a minute while I laughed.

But was it sexy? If you have read any of Reed’s writing before, you know he puts in the sex. A lot of it. Everywhere. We have first time, we have lesbian, we have monster tentacle sex, anal, masturbation, public sex (sort of)… there are a TON of sex scenes, and most of them were well written. They were somewhat short to my tastes, but it didn’t matter because right around the corner was another hot scene.

Plot and naughty bits… but what about characterization? Tons of it. Yeah, there’s the slutty room mate, but it’s done in such a way that it’s not shaming. She’s just very open about her sex drive and how much she wants it. Rock on, sister! Cora is nice, but naive, and she really angsts about having to fill up on sex to power her magical girl powers because she doesn’t want to cheat on Aidan. We even see snippets from the villain’s POV, making him sympathetic. On top of all of that goodness, we have an exciting fight scene (with naughty parts in it), AND an interesting take on the Greek gods!

If I had a criticism, it’s only ONE thing. I can tell parts of it were written in first person… in two places the prose slips back to first person mode. Now, I know how hard it can be to starting writing in one way, then decide you want to do it another way and switch all the prose to the new way. I didn’t detract from it, but it was a little disappointing to see in an otherwise crisp and clean text. I give this book 9.5 out of 10 KINKY VINE BONDAGES!

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ Slumber Party Succubus by Sakura Von Sternberg

Title: Slumber Party Succubus 
Series: N/A
Author: Sakura Von Sternberg
Pages: 69
Heat Level: 3 out of 4 Flames
Overall: 4.5 out of 5 Stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
See Alana’s Goodreads review here

WINNER: Best Transsexual Erotica of 2015 (Bending the Bookshelf)

Alexa and Isabelle have an annual tradition that has continued since the early days of their friendship: an all-night slumber party filled with junk food, box wine, and bad horror movies. Even as adults, the two continue their slumber parties with pride… but now things have become a little more complicated. Alexa, a trans girl with a love for high fashion and eighties slasher movies, harbors a long-unrequited crush on Isabelle, a cis girl. She doesn’t want to say anything or act on those impulses. They’ve been friends for a long time. The last thing Alexa wants to do is wreck their friendship. But she’s having a hard time keeping this a secret.

But that’s not all. Somehow, Alexa and Isabelle have summoned an ancient succubi—a sexually insatiable phallogyne—to their party. She comes to them looking for erotic pleasure… and quite possibly takes more from them than either could imagine.

Alexa and Isabella are brought to her as sacrificial lambs… but will leave dumbstruck, sexually fulfilled, and changed forever. They will experience pleasures beyond the limits of human imagination… and ecstasy that can only come to those who are already damned!

This 16,000+ word novelette contains adult material that may not be suitable for all audiences, including scenes of a TS/TS/F liaison. It contains explicit depictions of sexual acts. All characters are at least 18 years of age, and this story is intended only for mature audiences.

Review

Oh my.

I love Sakura’s writing. I LOVE IT. The way she writes her books glues me to the page, eagerly swiping to the next page. In her “real life”, she’s an English teacher and it shows. The word choices she uses are fantastic, evoking images and feelings which the regular erotic book wouldn’t. It’s… awesome, as in it fills me with awe at her ability to write.

So, what’s this book about? Two friends, Alexa (a transgender woman) and Isabelle (her best friend) are having their traditional Halloween slumber party to watch bad horror movies and giggle. Two things about this is that first, you can really feel the connection the two of them have. When Alexa “came out”, Isabelle was there for her. It’s not just touching in a friendship way, but also in a sexual current way, which is the second thing I want to mention. Even though NOTHING happens in this first scene, Sakura paints such a great picture that you can just feel the current between the two.

The transgender aspect is handled beautifully, and sensitively. It’s not “Oh my god, that girl has a cock!” Alexa is simply portrayed as a transwoman who hasn’t had the operation yet. She has her own feelings, backgrounds, insecurities, strengths… she’s a whole person in other words. Transgender erotica is not my kink, but the stuff I have read has all been exploitative. It is not here, and it’s such a welcome breeze of fresh air.

When the succubus arrives and transports them to another place, the tone changes very quickly. The fear is very real, but so too is the arousal. Alexa wants all that’s being offered, but is afraid to take it. She knows it’s wrong, but it doesn’t feel wrong. These contradictory emotions are portrayed very well, and if Sakura should ever write a horror novel, I have a feeling I’d need to read it in the daytime with the lights on… and I love horror.

Why not the full five stars? Two reasons, and these mostly come down to unanswered questions. First, why did the succubus want Alexa so bad? Never explained. Second, how did Isabelle come under the succubus’ spell? Not explained well. Or if it was, I was simply too entranced by the pretty words. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem… but I have a feeling this is a one shot, and not a series. If it was a series, it would be a PERFECT set up for the next book. There’s some teases, some questions to be answered, the beginning of mystical sexy mayhem… but I don’t think there’s a sequel coming. If there is? I will change my rating to reflect that, absolutely!

As it stands, I give it 9 of 10 giant futa demon cocks. Oh, didn’t I mention the demoness was a futa? She is! Which just adds to the delightfulness of this trans book, showing us multiple versions thereof!

(PS: I’m sorry no entertaining gifs today! I have been really late in reviewing this book, and I want to make sure I got it done rather than spending another week trying to choose images! More amusement next time. Promise!)

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ Love’s Choice by Renee Jordan

Title: Love’s Choice 
Series: The Valkyrie’s Passion #1
Genre: Erotic Paranormal Romance
Heat Level: 2 out of 4 Flames
Overall: 5 out of 5 Stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
Read Alana’s Goodreads review here.

A Valkyrie discovers more than love when she meets a dangerous, hunky biker!

Raven is haunted by the passionate, one-night stand she had with Magnus. He was dangerous and handsome, an outlaw biker that swept Raven off her feet. She knows Magnus is so wrong for her, but she can’t keep the bad boy out of her thoughts.

When Magnus tracks her down, Raven has to make a choice? Can she love the dangerous biker, or should she listen to her fears and find a safer guy? Her heart yearns for Magnus and the passion of his words.

But Raven’s choice will change both her and Magnus’s life. She is a Valkyrie, and her love will unleash the wolf slumbering inside of Magnus. When a frost troll attacks Raven, and she is plunged into the snowy wastelands of Utgard, she will learn if she made the right choice.

Is Magnus too dangerous to love? Or has Raven doomed herself and Magnus to a snowy fate?

Review

Those who know me (and know my RL name for reviewing as well!) know I do NOT give out five stars lightly. Matter of fact, it’s very, very rare as even when I rate a book 9 out of 10 something or anothers, I round down to 4 stars on Amazon or Goodreads. Those who also read my blog know that I’ve reviewed a couple of Renee’s other books, and while for the most part I think they are passable (with some great ideas!), I have not rated them fantastically.

That is going to change. This really is a five star book. I waffled for a long time on if it would be four or five, but my deciding factor was, “Am I going to read it again?” and when the answer was, “Yes, when the second book comes out, I will” I knew it was five stars.

All that being said, I want to say that I have enjoyed watching Renee’s writing improve by leaps and bounds. She’s really come a long way with experience, and I think it’s fantastic. Not only that, when the next book in this series comes out, I’ll be right there with my grabby hands clutching at it. AND it’s made me want to go back and finished her Passion Moon series. I could drop mic there and walk away, but that’s not why we’re at the Naughty Book Snitch site, is it? Of course not!

The plot is not necessarily straight forward, but it is pretty linear… but that’s just fine because it sets up the whole rest of the series like a good first book should do. In the prologue, Raven met and had a torrid affair with Magnus, then left the next day. Magnus finds her barrista nametag and tracks her down to Seattle after having a fight with another biker (Talon) for popping him in the face during the prologue protecting Raven. Raven, in the meanwhile, is kicking herself for leaving without leaving any info, and girls? Haven’t we all done that before?

Now, while Raven is kicking herself, and trying to convince herself that no, it didn’t mean anything, her regulars (which cracked me up, two thumbs up for good secondary characters! Even if I recognized Owen right away…) advise her on making her “Choice”, and you might as well capitalize it. That was the one thing that made me waffle for so long on giving it five stars right away. The “Choice” is presented to us indicating that Raven will only ever have one love… EVER! I know it’s romance, but… no. Now, it’s actually for OTHER reasons not the romance ones why it’s important (nope, not spoiling anything!), but at this point Raven doesn’t know about any paranormal stuff, so it’s presented as “Yeah, you only get to pick ONE BOYFRIEND EVER so pick good.”

Magnus comes and copies a poem for her, which was sort of an ‘awwww’ moment (even though it was copied, and not an original, but now I’m just getting picky!), and she agrees to go out with him. They go out… and there’s where I stop the summation. Why? INTERESTING STUFF HAPPENS! Not just sex–although that was good and hot, yummy showers–BUT REALLY FUCKING COOL SHIT!

Kind of like that, except with snow. And fire. And… other things!

So, how was the romance? The romance, like the characters, were very satisfying. Now, usually I bang on “Ugh, God, they’ve known each other for what, two minutes?!” but the book itself is drawn out long enough that it feels right, and that’s really important in romance. Renee hit all the beats. On top of that, it’s made clear that it’s an infatuation in the beginning, but afterwards they start facing trials together… which instantly bonds people. Just ask soldiers how close they are to their buddies. I think in this case? There’s a reason for the immediate bond, and it’s done very… VERY well. Now, whether that will hold up to scrutiny is another thing, but that’s for the future!

What hooked me was the Norse mythology. For those who know their stuff, it’s accurate. Bent, of course, for fantasy and the like but the basis of it? All very well done. I can tell the author did her research, and I appreciate it! There’s not much sex in it, but that’s quite alright. The story doesn’t need it. When it comes into the story though, it’s well done and steamy. I give this paranormal romance 10 out of 10 flaming swords.

PS: We want more of this guy. Yes, we do. Because yeah, the sex between Magnus and Raven was hot? But the talking scene between Raven and Loki was on fire.

 

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ Night’s Beauty by Renee Jordan

Title: Night’s Beauty 
Series: The Valkyrie’s Passion #0
Author: Renee Jordan
Genre: Erotic Paranormal Romance
Pages: 30
Heat Level: 2.5 out of 4 Flames
Overall: 4 out of 5 Stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
See Alana’s Goodreads review here

Raven is taken on a wild, passionate ride by a bad boy biker!

Raven, a young woman on the verge of discovering her destiny, is having a bad night. On a foggy night, all alone, her car mysteriously dies. When Magnus, a hunky biker, offers to help her, Raven lets her fear make her decisions.

Instead, she enters the nearby bar to find help. But Talon, a rival biker, wants to get to know Raven better. When she objects, Magnus comes to her rescue. Raven is taken for a wild ride on the back of Magnus’s bike as they flee Talon and his angry friends.

Passion burns in the night. Drunk on the exhilaration of the ride, Raven looses herself in Magnsus’s strong arms.

The fast-paced, exhilarating prologue to the Valkyrie’s Passion. Will Raven discover love in the arms of her bad-boy, werewolf biker? Or will fear keep her from her desire?

Review

I received an advance copy of this, as Renee was very generous in sharing it with me since I had reviewed a couple of her other books. The basic story is that Raven, a very tall blonde gorgeous gal, is driving home when her car breaks down. A biker, Magnus, offers to help her out. When she enters in a biker bar, he comes to her rescue again, saving her and taking her away!

The first thing I want to say about this is that I’ve read three of Renee’s books now: her first one, one in the middle, and now this prologue of her latest work. I have seen her writing get better by leaps and bounds, and while some of the descriptions are pretty generic, they are standard for the romance/erotic romance genre. There are some tropes here which made me facepalm… but again, they are standard for the genre. I am absolutely not going to fault the writer for that, because she is giving people what they want. I will discuss them a little bit here, just to sort of bring awareness to them.

There’s two big ones. The first was OMG BIKERS ARE EBILSSS! I call this the “Sons of Anarchy” effect.

Sort of like that, except not nearly as cool as Ghost Rider. Not even Nick Cage’s Ghost Rider. Just like 99% of people who aren’t criminals, 99% of bikers are just dudes who belong to a club. However! That being said, there are bad pockets, and I just assumed she ran into one of those strictly less than legal clubs. No big deal.

The second trope is that of the “Gently Used Heroine”. Raven has had two lovers, neither of which made her come. She could barely come while masturbating! Again, this is a standard trope of romance, and weirdly of paranormal books with female protagonists. (I don’t get it either.)

I know women want to be swept off of their feet, but why can’t they have sex and enjoy it? Romance writers, I beg you! She doesn’t have to be uber experienced, and she doesn’t necessarily have to have had great experiences all the time, but what’s wrong with having a woman want to fuck and have some experience at it? Just to be clear, I am not dinging the book for this–it’s standard in romance. I’m just using this opportunity to ask politely to have some hot experienced women for the lead for a change.

The sex itself was alright. It was very detailed, but I think sometimes the author tripped over her descriptions just a bit. There was one point where Magnus was licking Raven’s nipples, and it seemed as though his stubble was being described as pink and hard. I had a chuckle and had to reread that a bit to understand it was just a badly placed adjective. Otherwise, it really sounds like Magnus knows what he’s doing, if you know what I mean!

The prose was pretty clean, though there were a couple of confusing descriptions/transitions. Nothing major. What was best about this book was the background stuff on the Norse gods. When I heard about this book, I was interested right away because I love Norse mythology. It was woven into the background, giving us a teaser of things to come, and it was very well done, and very well written. I could tell the author did her research, and while the story is pretty run of the mill (so far! It IS just a prologue) and would be worthy of 3 stars-ish or so, the time, effort, smooth writing, clean prose, and excellent research bumped it up to 4 stars. I do really want to see where this series is going, and I would beg the author to make Raven kick ass later down the line.

I give this 8 mistletoe javelins out of 10. It’s well worth the read, and if you enjoy it, I think this series may be right up your alley. We’ll see with #1! 

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ Taken by the Tetris Blocks by Leonard Delaney

Title: Taken by the Tetris Blocks 
Series: Digital Desires #1
Author: Leonard Delaney
Genre: Erotica
Pages: 15
Heat Level: 2 out of 4 Flames
Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 Stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
See Alana’s Goodreads review here

When blocks started falling from the sky, Christie Aackerlund welcomed the excitement. Now she’s having a bad day at work, and craving some fun and games. Luckily, she runs into some Russian blocks that are looking to score. Soon, she’ll be the one falling … in lust.

Taken by the Tetris Blocks is a 4000 word short story featuring sexual situations involving blocks. It’s for super mature audiences only.

Review

This is a short which doesn’t quite defy description, as I’m going to describe it. It’s… very… unusual. There are quite a few erotica books out there which have “living object” sex in them, many of my favorites by the master Chuck Tingle. Hence, I decided to check out some of Mr. Tingle’s competition. This is a f/block story about a woman who wanted a promotion at work. When the offer came with a string which she wasn’t willing to tug, she runs into a Russian block in the bathroom, which she then proceeds to have sex with.

It seems that some time ago, Tetris blocks just started falling from the sky. They were friendly, and became part of our structures, being… helpful like blocks are and building stuff for us. Including buildings which we work and live in, furniture we sit in, counters we use, and all sorts of things. Which means they’re always watching us.

Our heroine screws the tetris block, and then others wander in! So, of course she must have sex with them too. And I have to say this is the best part of the book… spoilers for those who don’t want to ruin it.

As the other two blocks surged and filled her with thick fluid, the I Block floated parallel to the floor. A blue rod popped out of his end.

“TETRIS!!!” yelled the I Block as he rocketed between the other Blocks and into her pussy.

She came as soon as his rod entered her. All three Blocks cried out. Their voices became higher in pitch as their cries sustained, transforming into an electronic BLOOP! There was a flash of light. Christie suddenly found herself sprawled on the floor. Oily fluid of various colors dripped from various holes.

All of the Blocks were gone.

Yeah, so now stare at this gif and try NOT to imagine Tetris blocks coming.

Overall, it was cute, but not truly satisfying, nor really funny. 5 out of 10 smooth extending rods.

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ Desire Penetrates by Aaron Abson

Title: Desire Penetrates 
Series: Sorceress of Desire #2
Author: Aaron Abson
Genre: Erotica
Pages: 50
Heat Level: 3 out of 4 flames
Overall Star Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
See Alana’s Goodreads review here.

This book is for mature audiences only. ~17,000 words. Contains themes of FF, MF, oral, and backdoor action in a fantasy setting.
***
The sorcery, seduction, and sex continues!

Sasha, now irrevocably bonded with Vi, quickly discovers that meeting their need for arousal can be a pleasurable experience.

“So firm!”

Gail finally gets a chance to see Sasha’s new body, and it sparks into flame what had been building for years. Sasha has to overcome her fears if she’s going to taste victory in her pursuit of her friend.

“I want you. Now.”

Corin can’t contain himself any longer. The sight of Sasha taunting him…the things she does to his body – it’s too much. But when will he be able to take her and make her his?

A threat from the north is looming, and dangers closer to home are revealing themselves. Sasha is still playing the student, but will need to develop her skills if she’s going to have any chance against what’s coming.

***
This is the second book of the Sorceress of Desire series. The action picks up right where it left off in the first book!

Review

The one or two of you who follow my personal blog may know that I reviewed the first of this series there, so if you like, you can go read that review first, and then come back and finish this one. It’s not a requirement, but it may be helpful as the blurb says, the action literally picks up where the first left off. I loved the first book, and I loved this one. I have a complaint about it which I am going to get out of the way first, and then I will be raving.

When the blurb says the action picks up where the first left off… they mean that literally. Sasha, our main character and the sorceress of desire of the series name, is still in the damn bonding hall, going over things with the bonded spirit Vi. In the same chair. Same people around. Literally seconds later. Now, I understand that erotica writers of old were advised to split up any stories into multiple shorts so as to maximize their profit. When the borrows from KU users were like a buck forty or whatever, splitting up a novel into multiple short stories was more lucrative. However, it’s annoying. At least, in this case it’s annoying because it literally picks up seconds where the first book ended!

That being said, the plot follows our “Sorceress of Desire” Sasha as she learns about the Spirit of Desire Vi who has bonded with her, giving her magic powers. Which… she powers her magic by desire and sex. In other words, the more she makes people come, the more powerful she gets. Her body is perfected by Vi, because hello, they need to be hot in order to get people into bed, and so she’s thin with big boobs and perfect skin… and can use magic!

 

Eventually, the spirit bonding session ends when the last student comes stumbling back into the room, and then the wizards break to get ready for the celebratory feast. Sasha goes back to the room she shares with her bunk mate Gail, who is a guardswoman of the castle, and she uses some of her magic to redecorate. Redecoration. Powered by sex.

 

This redecoration includes all new furniture, flooring, showers (yes, showers in a castle. Awesome) with hot water (HELL YES, suck on that primitive screwheads), and a whole new wardrobe.

Hell, I’m not even that into clothes, but if I had a bangin’ new body which was perfect in every way? I’d dress up. Oh yes. Yes I would. Something new and fabulous every day, the sluttier the better.

As you can tell, this book really hit on the fantasy part of fantasy, which was awesome. What about the sex? Well, other than a preoccupation with Sasha wearing a buttplug everywhere put in there magically by Vi… it was pretty hot. There was lesbian and hetero sex in it, and I have to say… it was good. I think I was entranced by the magic part of the book so much so that when the sex happened I was just like…


I love this book. I love the idea of this book! I love the fact that in this world, you can bond with spirits of all flavors and get magic powers which allow you to do the neatest damn things! I love that she bonded to THE desire spirit and is going to kick some ass… after making everyone come around her. Also, the cover is really pretty, and I love the picture he used for it. I give this book eight out of ten magical buttplugs.

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ The Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Pirate Captain Cydd Yoshiba, Episode I: Maiden Voyage by Sakura Von Sternberg

Title: The Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Pirate Captain Cydd Yoshiba, Episode I: Maiden Voyage 
Series: The Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Pirate Captain Cydd Yoshiba #1
Author: Sakura von Sternberg
Genre: Erotica
Pages: 98
Heat Level: Two out of four flames
Overall: Five out of five stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
Read Alana’s Goodreads review here.

For centuries, prophets and soothsayers have whispered tales of the Light Bringer: a savior from the distant past destined to bring an end to a catastrophic intergalactic war. And now, as the known universe faces the threat of despotism and ruin, this messianic figure emerges from the shadow of long-forgotten fables to bring an end to this unpardonable strife.

Captain Cydd Yoshiba, the notorious space pirate and scourge of the Shadow Vox Empire, has dedicated his life to tracking the Light Bringer down—and now he has finally found her. Along with the small crew manning his interstellar battleship, Yoshiba travels back in time to rescue the woman rumored to be this fated messiah: Joan of Arc.

Propelled from medieval Europe to the far-flung year of 2977, the famed “Maid of Orleans” naturally has trouble acclimating to her strange new surroundings—but that’s the least of her worries. As her attachment to Cydd Yoshiba grows and intensifies, so too do her first unbidden inklings of sexual desire. It’s not long before she is forced to choose between keeping her eternal vows of chastity or indulging in these forbidden erotic fantasies. Will she choose duty over love? How long can she resist these newly awakened desires?

This is the first part of an ongoing tetralogy of stories!

This 28,000+ word novelette is intended for adult audiences only. It contains explicit depictions of sexual acts. All characters are at least 18 years of age, and this story is intended for mature audiences.

Review

Oh my.

How do I describe this book? I was hooked from the first page, first paragraph, the description of the ship our heroes are in. Let me quote:

The ship had seen better days. Drained of torpedoes. Severely battle-damaged on its right flank. A warp drive on the fritz. Communications temporarily down. Even the plumbing wouldn’t work. Limping through the cosmos like a three-legged dog at the Iditarod. A giant mechanized dick sagging limply in the half-spent, jizz-soaked afterglow of another rough fuck.

I was hooked. Not only was I hooked, I was hypnotized by this book. It combined all the best of the space operas I love, the wry humor of Robert Asprin, the fourth wall humor of Supernatural… it’s just this bizarre and wonderful mishmash of everything awesome and geeky. It’s got humor. It’s got action. It’s got sexy times. It’s got everything! I’m really excited over this book!

Ahem. 

The story itself is wonderfully cheesy. Space Captain Cydd Yoshiba is on a mission to bring the Light Bringer from her time period to the present, to prevent some horrible horribleness from happening across the galaxy. But what about the sexy times? Or, as Ensign Deadmeat puts it:

“Jesus Christ on a cracker,” Deadmeat muttered. “Do we really need all this set-up, guys? Come on! When do we get to the fucking?”

Sadly, there are only a couple of fucking scenes in this book, but they are masterfully done. If there had been more, the heat level would have definitely been higher. I just… I have to keep quoting this book!

“Hush, captain,” Lala cooed, tugging at those pesky buttons with her free hand. “This is my job. I am, after all, a licensed nymphotherapist. And besides,” she winked at him, “you know I come from a planet of craven cumsluts.”

It’s a great set up! And somehow, this book manages to encapsulate everything I love about pulp adventure and space operas. There are a couple of things which should be mentioned though. One, there are some anachronisms when Joan joins the crew, but in the spirit of pulp adventure, you can easily ignore that. There are some POV switches, but they are not done obnoxiously. The third is that this book is NOT going to be for everyone. It’s heavy on plot, setting, and characterization and semi-light on the sexy times. It’s wordy and verbose, and can be a bit dense to get through at times. Let me find an example (all the quotes FOREVER!):

The woman’s shadow stretched unnaturally across the floor, twisting and swirling into phantasmagoric shapes against every available source of light. She seemed to grow taller and more menacing as the shadows converged and coagulated until the entire tenement was plunged in darkness. 

A little wordy, loquacious, over-descriptive and fucking awesome! I mean… it may be a little bit too much for some people? But this style speaks directly to the geek love in my heart. Not only that, but in writing smut, I’ve found sometimes… it’s really hard to get aroused BY smut anymore. I see the same words over and over again, and they’re just words… written so many times they lose almost all meaning. Here, it was very different. The words! Oh my gosh, the words! It was as if the author reached into the myriad passages of my twisted mind and plucked from the bosom of my brain erotical passages that delighted me, and filled my head with childlike smutty wonder at the elegant complexity of the arousing narrative.

In other words, lots of big words made Alana hot. In very weird ways. Kinda like this:

The last thing, of course, is the most glaring: the cover is not great. By not great… I mean bad. Its hard to read the title, and the cover model–while pretty!–doesn’t scream erotica. Honestly, I think the author could really write the heck out of some science fiction, but might have run into the same problems I did with my horror: no sales. Thus, erotica. However, writing good erotica and being able to market good erotica are two completely different skill sets. I want to lend the author my illustrator, but I think Jotham would have an apoplexy if I sent him more work.

I love this book in many, unholy ways. The sex is fucking hot. The story is fucking fantastic. So don’t judge the book by the cover… the cover is bad, but the insides are oh, so delicious.

I absolutely guarantee it’s not for everyone (mostly because of the extreme nerdy wordiness), but I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. Ten out of ten nymphotherapist cumsluts.

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ Bohemia Beach by Lucy Lakestone

Title: Bohemia Beach 
Series: Bohemia Beach Series #1
Author: Lucy Lakestone
Genre: Erotic Romance
Pages: 300
Heat Level: 3 out of 4 flames
Overall: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
See Alana’s Goodreads review here.

Drawn to beautiful Bohemia Beach to prove herself as an artist, potter Sloane Abbey finds more than she bargained for: Alex Alwend, a sexy writer whose wealth is as mysterious as his past. His magnetic allure draws Sloane into a whirlwind of passion unlike anything she’s ever known. It’s scary to be wanted so much after growing up as the invisible child in her strict family, but she finds herself reveling in Alex’s dark needs – and haunted by his melancholy.

As Sloane struggles to make a new life among the dynamic artists of Bohemia Beach – and faces a devious foe at the famous art school – she learns Alex’s painful secret. Can their fiery obsession transcend his anguish and lead her to the life and the love she desires?

This is the first novel in the Bohemia Beach series, each a steamy standalone romance set among a circle of young artists in the enchanting Florida city they call home.

Review

I’ve said that romance isn’t my preferred genre, and this is true. However, it does not mean I haven’t read romance. I’ve read probably over a thousand romances. When I was growing up, all we did was read. I would run out of books, and pick up my mom’s… which were all romances. So, like the opera, even though it isn’t a preferred genre, I’ve grown to appreciate a good romance over the years.

This is an OK romance. It hits all the beats, and it’s written well. The writer is actually quite gifted, and I can tell she really loves ceramics. And blowjobs. But then, who doesn’t like a good blowjob?

The story is pretty much as it is in the summary, Sloane moves to Bohemia Beach to go to an art school, and meets reluctant rich man blocked writer Alex. He’s handsome, rich, charming, witty, and… maybe a serial killer? I don’t know… it just seems to me that every psychological thriller book starts out exactly the same as a romance novel. I might be reading too many horror books lately.

At any rate, Sloane is smitten! She and Alex begin a whirlwind affair… and that’s pretty much it. There’s no obstacles to the relationship which aren’t solved quickly, misunderstandings are talked about more or less swiftly, and there’s where my adoration of the book runs out. It’s all too… pleasant? There is a part where I thought there might have been a love triangle… but no. There was a part where Sloane was put into danger… but she was first “saved”, and then saved herself. It just… it was a pleasant, light read. This isn’t bad! It’s just lacking that little extra something that would make the book stand out.

The sex was decent, and there was a lot of it. I was actually rather envious at how often there was sex. At one point Sloane asks if Alex is going to have sex with her on every piece of furniture he owns, and his reply? “I hope so, I have a lot of furniture.” If only my husband and I could go at that pace!

It was a solid, light read with some fun sexy times. Nothing heavy, nothing surprising, but nothing that made it stand out either. I give it a respectable seven Deep One ceramics out of ten.

I was given a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

Review ~ A Perfect Fit: A Belle Short by Celeste Monroe

Title: A Perfect Fit: A Belle Short
Series: Belle Shorts #1
Author: Celeste Monroe
Pages: 36
Heat Level: 2 out of 4
Overall: 2.5 out of 5
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana

Read Alana’s Goodreads review here.

“A Perfect Fit” kicks off the Belle Shorts series and contains adult content, mild domination, and first time girl-on-girl sex. In this short story (approx. 10,000 words), the characters lay the groundwork for an FFM threesome.

Belle and Leo have the perfect relationship—they love, they lust, they laugh. But there’s one thing missing: they still haven’t fulfilled their fantasy of having a threesome. So far, Belle’s jealousy has made it impossible for them to invite another woman into their bed.

When Leo takes Belle shopping for her birthday gift, she doesn’t know what to expect, but it certainly isn’t a trip to a lingerie boutique. Then Belle meets the gorgeous saleswoman, Ariana, and can’t keep her mind from wandering to her favorite fantasy.

Once they’re alone in the luxe dressing room, Ariana stops behaving like a typical saleswoman. As she helps Belle try on lingerie, her hands wander all over Belle’s body.

Belle must decide whether she’ll give in to the desire stirred by Ariana. If she does, what would it mean for her relationship with Leo? Will Ariana have a place in their bedroom, and their future?

ReviewThe synopsis of the story is pretty simple: Belle and her boyfriend Leo go lingerie shopping. Hijinks ensue with the sales clerk in the dressing room.

Let me tell you something now, book snitch followers: I am not a fan of the ‘people meet in a *fill in the blank* and fuck’ type of story. Even if it’s a short, even if it’s just set in one place, there needs to be a little something more there for me… a hint at characterization, a bit of history, some silly plot twist which enables the sexy times… something. Just a little something-something extra. Most erotica shorts set up the situation and let the characters go at it, and that’s all. I gotta have that something extra in order to make it worth my time to read.

Thankfully, this does have a little something-something extra. It’s a bit contrived, sure, but it’s erotica so that’s not so much an issue here. There’s a lot of build up, which is nice. It doesn’t just jump right into the banging. I appreciate that. The sex is… alright. It’s basically one f/f scene which is really freaking long with a good build up. If all you’re looking for is a stroke… this might do it for you. 

Unfortunately, there were two major things wrong with this piece. The first is the sentence structure and grammar used. Now, I didn’t see any misspellings, typos, dialogue tags out of place, and so on, so hurray, the first grammar hurdle was jumped! However, the second grammar hurdle–sentence structure–caused me to grind to a halt and reach for my red pen. The passive voice, the bane of all writers, was used a lot in the beginning. Once it got into the sex and less with the description of things, that eased a little. It still reared its ugly head enough that I noticed, and when I notice stuff like that it catapults me out of the story.

An addendum to that are the sentence fragments which begin with “but”. (lol I said but, yes I’m juvenile) While far fewer in the text, those fragments get distracting as well because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some of those can be accredited to writing style; plenty of authors use sentence fragments to punctuate their text, or to give their prose a unique rhythm. However, I think it was accidental in this case. The last bit is the word usage. I got tired of reading clitoris. Change it up! Use clit (which was done towards the end, but then it was clit this and clit that and Stan you need to find the clitoris…), nub, pleasure center, heat, wetness, core of her being, epicenter of her pleasure plateau, skyscraper of her pussy… whatever. Brings to mind: vagina… I actually appreciate it being called a vagina in the book, but that’s awfully… technical for erotica, isn’t it? What about pussy? Cunt? Love tunnel, pleasure sleeve, the magical sexy tunnel to promised land? 

All of those errors can be forgiven in a good story. Hell, look at ee cummings! He didn’t punctuate or do nothing at all in his poetry, and he’s famous! Dead, but famous. The second part is harder to forgive… Belle was a fucking idiot.

Like seriously, an idiot… and a cheating idiot to boot. She goes into the dressing room, and the clerk, Arianna, keeps brushing her nipples “accidentally” while she’s helping her change. Once? Sure, an accident. Twice? Nope. Of course, two things occurred to me when she did that, the first of which was ultimately practical: I would sue and OWN that fucking store. The second cracked me up, and not in the good way. It’s from Bordello of Blood where the mortician is touching a dead woman’s nipples while saying “TOOT TOOT”. Once that got into my head, I had to put the story down for a couple hours cause that was all I saw. Sadly, I have no gif for that, so this will have to do.

Breast touching aside, while Belle is in the dressing room, she’s hesitant about whether or not Arianna wants her. I can get behind that! Unfortunately, it was so repetitive… and again, someone touching my boobies once might be by accident, second time it’s attraction… or at least sexual harassment. During this, she does think of Leo a few times mostly in a ‘wow, I have to tell him this clerk is hot and hitting on me!’ way. Then she kisses Arianna and… well, she’s a cheater. The two parts that had me headdesking lay at the end. She asked herself if she was cheating, which the answer was yes, yes you are. You had sex with someone else and didn’t clear it with your significant other first. The second was when Leo hinted that he knew they had “fun” in the dressing room, and Arianna says right out it didn’t have to be a one shot thing and slapped her on the ass… Belle was all wide-eyed and “Le gasp! Is there something going on here?”

If I had liked Belle better, I would have probably rated it higher. If there would have been that hinted at menage in there–that’s one of my favorite things in erotica–I would have probably rated it higher. As it is, it’s pretty run of the mill… nothing special one way or another. It’s not particularly awesome, nor particularly bad. Because the sex scene is just one extended sex scene, I had to give it a two flame rating… but it’s a really, really long sex scene so don’t let that fool you. I give it a very middle of the road five used thongs out of ten.

I received this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA

Review ~ Wicked Cold by Patient Lee

Title: Wicked Cold
Series: Prequel to Wicked Hot
Author: Patient Lee
Genre: Erotica
Pages: 75
Heat Level: 2 out of 4 Flames
Overall: 4 out of 5 Stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana

See Alana’s Goodreads review here.

How Amy’s wicked hot lesbian fantasy came to be.

In Wicked Hot Amy confesses to Kevin that she fantasizes about sex with a woman. On a camping trip, this fantasy comes true when the couple experiences group sex for the first time.

In Wicked Cold Amy’s prudish homophobia is trumped by her uncontrolled lust for Kevin, and when she shares a hotel room with Kevin’s lesbian cousin, her mind opens against her will, and she finds herself aroused with a new fantasy.

Featuring hot MF sex and lesbian voyeurism, Wicked Cold gives a glimpse into the journey from prude to swinger. Don’t let the title fool you. It’s wicked hot.

Review

I’ve read another of Patient’s books before, that one being Blowjob from Your Stalker, which I really liked, but rated low-ish because it was so short (and has STILL left me wondering what kind of stalker that chick was? Did she collect his hair clippings? Cut his eyes out of pictures? Follow him around like a puppy dog? WHAT?!), and when Patient put Wicked Cold up for a freebie, I snatched it in a hurry. Any author who can make me think about a story–especially a short story–for so long after I read it is one I need to follow.

Wicked Cold didn’t disappoint me. Unlike Blowjob from Your Stalker, Wicked Cold was long enough and had some massive characterization. I won’t say I was hooked from the first word because it did take a little while to get going, but when it did, I got really into the characters. This woman can fucking WRITE. I think if she wrote fantasy or monster erotica I’d be in love, for reals.

The story goes that Amy and Kevin are up in Canada for Kevin’s uncle’s wedding, which is at one of those weird ice palace hotels where everything is made of ice. Amy is woman-handled as they exit the bus, which causes her to freak out. Suddenly, there are lesbians everywhere! And they are all having sex around her. As much as Amy hates to admit it, it turns her on.

Kevin and Amy’s relationship is already established, so it’s nice to see a couple who joke around, are sexy, and just… be normal in a book. The X factor in the book is Amy’s more than slightly homophobic feelings about lesbians, which for a bit made it uncomfortable to read until I realize she was covering up her arousal by hot lesbian sex with homophobia. It was still a bit uncomfortable… realistic, but uncomfortable. That, coupled with the repeated use of ‘wicked cold’ throughout the book knocked it down to a four, but overall, I was really satisfied with it.

The heat level is two, bordering on a 2.5. There are a couple of scenes between our protagonists, and some implied lesbian loving where our protagonists can’t see. The main thrust of the story is Amy’s fear of her own desires, and while it’s never explicitly stated the book’s about that, it’s a nice touch of realism in a story which I really enjoyed. Patient Lee’s erotica is not just wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. Her erotica is about the real, every day sexy situations people can find themselves in, and how they react to them. I personally think her writing style would be better suited towards erotic romances than erotica, but either way… she’s a helluva writer. The prose is tight and well-edited, the characters act and sound real, the plot… well, it’s erotica, heh. I can only imagine what she’d do with a novel. I rate this novella 8 icy cold lesbians out of 10.

NBS Banner4 w Alana Melos

 

Buy the book1

Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU ~ Amazon CA