Review ~ The Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Pirate Captain Cydd Yoshiba, Episode I: Maiden Voyage by Sakura Von Sternberg

Title: The Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Pirate Captain Cydd Yoshiba, Episode I: Maiden Voyage 
Series: The Erotic Adventures of Joan of Arc and Space Pirate Captain Cydd Yoshiba #1
Author: Sakura von Sternberg
Genre: Erotica
Pages: 98
Heat Level: Two out of four flames
Overall: Five out of five stars
Reviewed by Naughty Book Snitch: Alana
Read Alana’s Goodreads review here.

For centuries, prophets and soothsayers have whispered tales of the Light Bringer: a savior from the distant past destined to bring an end to a catastrophic intergalactic war. And now, as the known universe faces the threat of despotism and ruin, this messianic figure emerges from the shadow of long-forgotten fables to bring an end to this unpardonable strife.

Captain Cydd Yoshiba, the notorious space pirate and scourge of the Shadow Vox Empire, has dedicated his life to tracking the Light Bringer down—and now he has finally found her. Along with the small crew manning his interstellar battleship, Yoshiba travels back in time to rescue the woman rumored to be this fated messiah: Joan of Arc.

Propelled from medieval Europe to the far-flung year of 2977, the famed “Maid of Orleans” naturally has trouble acclimating to her strange new surroundings—but that’s the least of her worries. As her attachment to Cydd Yoshiba grows and intensifies, so too do her first unbidden inklings of sexual desire. It’s not long before she is forced to choose between keeping her eternal vows of chastity or indulging in these forbidden erotic fantasies. Will she choose duty over love? How long can she resist these newly awakened desires?

This is the first part of an ongoing tetralogy of stories!

This 28,000+ word novelette is intended for adult audiences only. It contains explicit depictions of sexual acts. All characters are at least 18 years of age, and this story is intended for mature audiences.

Review

Oh my.

How do I describe this book? I was hooked from the first page, first paragraph, the description of the ship our heroes are in. Let me quote:

The ship had seen better days. Drained of torpedoes. Severely battle-damaged on its right flank. A warp drive on the fritz. Communications temporarily down. Even the plumbing wouldn’t work. Limping through the cosmos like a three-legged dog at the Iditarod. A giant mechanized dick sagging limply in the half-spent, jizz-soaked afterglow of another rough fuck.

I was hooked. Not only was I hooked, I was hypnotized by this book. It combined all the best of the space operas I love, the wry humor of Robert Asprin, the fourth wall humor of Supernatural… it’s just this bizarre and wonderful mishmash of everything awesome and geeky. It’s got humor. It’s got action. It’s got sexy times. It’s got everything! I’m really excited over this book!

Ahem. 

The story itself is wonderfully cheesy. Space Captain Cydd Yoshiba is on a mission to bring the Light Bringer from her time period to the present, to prevent some horrible horribleness from happening across the galaxy. But what about the sexy times? Or, as Ensign Deadmeat puts it:

“Jesus Christ on a cracker,” Deadmeat muttered. “Do we really need all this set-up, guys? Come on! When do we get to the fucking?”

Sadly, there are only a couple of fucking scenes in this book, but they are masterfully done. If there had been more, the heat level would have definitely been higher. I just… I have to keep quoting this book!

“Hush, captain,” Lala cooed, tugging at those pesky buttons with her free hand. “This is my job. I am, after all, a licensed nymphotherapist. And besides,” she winked at him, “you know I come from a planet of craven cumsluts.”

It’s a great set up! And somehow, this book manages to encapsulate everything I love about pulp adventure and space operas. There are a couple of things which should be mentioned though. One, there are some anachronisms when Joan joins the crew, but in the spirit of pulp adventure, you can easily ignore that. There are some POV switches, but they are not done obnoxiously. The third is that this book is NOT going to be for everyone. It’s heavy on plot, setting, and characterization and semi-light on the sexy times. It’s wordy and verbose, and can be a bit dense to get through at times. Let me find an example (all the quotes FOREVER!):

The woman’s shadow stretched unnaturally across the floor, twisting and swirling into phantasmagoric shapes against every available source of light. She seemed to grow taller and more menacing as the shadows converged and coagulated until the entire tenement was plunged in darkness. 

A little wordy, loquacious, over-descriptive and fucking awesome! I mean… it may be a little bit too much for some people? But this style speaks directly to the geek love in my heart. Not only that, but in writing smut, I’ve found sometimes… it’s really hard to get aroused BY smut anymore. I see the same words over and over again, and they’re just words… written so many times they lose almost all meaning. Here, it was very different. The words! Oh my gosh, the words! It was as if the author reached into the myriad passages of my twisted mind and plucked from the bosom of my brain erotical passages that delighted me, and filled my head with childlike smutty wonder at the elegant complexity of the arousing narrative.

In other words, lots of big words made Alana hot. In very weird ways. Kinda like this:

The last thing, of course, is the most glaring: the cover is not great. By not great… I mean bad. Its hard to read the title, and the cover model–while pretty!–doesn’t scream erotica. Honestly, I think the author could really write the heck out of some science fiction, but might have run into the same problems I did with my horror: no sales. Thus, erotica. However, writing good erotica and being able to market good erotica are two completely different skill sets. I want to lend the author my illustrator, but I think Jotham would have an apoplexy if I sent him more work.

I love this book in many, unholy ways. The sex is fucking hot. The story is fucking fantastic. So don’t judge the book by the cover… the cover is bad, but the insides are oh, so delicious.

I absolutely guarantee it’s not for everyone (mostly because of the extreme nerdy wordiness), but I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. Ten out of ten nymphotherapist cumsluts.

Buy the book1

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